I want to make a difference in areas I care about
From time to time someone writes to me asking for guidance. Sometimes they catch me at the right time where I have time to answer. I no longer consult but I continue to care about people who are struggling somehow. This arrived just yesterday through DM (Direct Message) on Substack. Identifying information has been changed.
Dear Dr. Ruf,
I hope this message finds you well. My name is Jeanette Macky and I’m currently a 3rd year undergraduate student in an Ivy League institution. I’m writing to see if you have any thoughts on university or higher education and giftedness. For some context, I never went to a special gifted program for long due to family circumstances, so I floated through school, paying 20% attention. My parents lost my IQ test report a long time ago, but from looking at your work I’d guess I’m around level 4 or 5 based on my childhood. I thought I’d made it after getting to the Ivy League, but I still have the same problem. Even still, I’ll graduate magna cum laude. To get into a ‘good’ profession, I suppose I have to do graduate school, but I feel like I’m “schooled out.” I’m applying to several prestigious overseas schools, but I’m not hopeful it will be different. I had a therapist for a while who said I was the smartest client she’d met in her career, but she never found a way to help me get really engaged with education itself. Most of your work is about younger kids or longitudinal outcomes later in life, but is there anything I can do to make this better? I worry I’ve missed my window of opportunity. Thank you so much for your time and the wonderful work you’ve done to support the gifted community. All the best, Jeanette
My responses:
That “most of your work” part is incorrect. I’ve never been good at marketing Read through the list of my books at the end of every Substack post to see what else I’ve written about, okay?
There are really no such things as “missed the boat,” and “I worry I’ve missed my window of opportunity.” Basically, if you are looking for “you” rather than just getting rich or prominent, my words can help you. In general, it takes a long time to find ourselves and our true passions because it all takes experience. Start with simply doing. Get more schooling or get a job that will give you insights into the topics that intrigue you. Be sure you are good with fiscal planning. I started my doctorate when I was 36 and didn’t finish until I was 49. I chose not to even try to become an academic because I didn’t want to be looking for funding and doing research that I wasn’t interested in. But I did tons of stuff in the meantime. I’m going to give some links now.
From the Substack Positive Disintegration about the work of Kazimierz Dąbrowski. Chris Wells, PhD, writes for this Substack and has also founded a website on the same topic. I highly recommend that you look at this work.
I’ve recently updated my website and I suggest you go to my About Us page:
fivelevelsofgifted.com/about I uploaded my past education and work there. Read to the bottom of that section. Most of my work was simply unpaid. Not because I could afford it but because most mothers aren’t used to paying educators because it’s always been free to them. I have always been independent and apparently somewhat inscrutable to most others. I had one excellent therapist for six years. He was highly intelligent and didn’t try to compete with me or enjoy me so much that he wasn’t helpful. It is hard finding such a person for some like you (or me). As a woman, it might be very hard to marry successfully because most men simply weren’t raised to support what your passions are or will be. But don’t worry, women are still allowed to get divorced, and if you experience that, you will learn from that, too. Everything you learn builds toward the “best you ever” later in life. The forties especially tend to be really, really hard for many Level 4s and 5s.
I wrote everything I knew a few years ago for one big source, a very big book. I discovered that very few people will read such a long book. So I have turned this book into a three book series and the second and third are the ones that will put you right where you need to be now. The 5 Levels of Gifted Children Grown Up: What They Tell Us (2023). This is a 20-year longitudinal study follow-up about the original gifted child subjects in 5 Levels of Gifted: School Issues and Educational Options (2005, 2009). In it, I cover every conceivable topic to ask the 60 of the original study group of 78. I also show readers how it is that people of the same original promise to succeed have vastly different outcomes. https://www.amazon.com/Levels-Gifted-Children-Grown-Up/dp/B0C9SHFRLH or barnesandnoble.com/w/the-5-levels-of-gifted-children-grown-up-p…
This is my free dissertation. Personally, when I went back to school for my PhD, I did it for me, not for a career. I wanted to know everything about people and high giftedness. I took deep dives and chances, turned every paper into high intelligence in my major of test & measurement, but I also planned for how to stay fiscally afloat and ethical. I think too many people miss the point of their work. I ended up earning income by consulting, advising, and testing the child of gifted adults, to keep me afloat and continue my own learning. I only wrote one book during that time but I did tons of presenting and writing, too. No one can really tell you what to do, to give you all the answers, because no one knows. It really all is trial and error. Environmental, Familial, and Personal Factors That Affect the Self-Actualization of Highly Gifted Adults: Case Studies (D. Ruf, 1998) doctoral dissertation. Free PDF dabrowskicenter.org/ruf. Anyway, I hope this helps. Oh, and I sold women’s shoes in a department store to cover my costs of finishing my PhD.
One of my children went to an Ivy and when he told me that he had trouble making friends I told him to try out for plays – theater – and get to know the theater people better rather than the people in his major – economics. He was active in acting most of his life, especially middle and high school, and he found great collegiality in those environments.
Jeanette responded:
Dear Dr. Ruf,
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my inquiry. I’m glad to know my brain isn’t going to ‘expire’ even though things haven’t been perfect thus far. I have always wanted to write a book, so it was inspiring to hear about how you did so while selling shoes and working with students. I’ll look more into the autopsychotherapy you referenced, and don’t worry, I am on top of my finances. I also appreciate you explaining that your work has been mostly unpaid- I’ve looked for many jobs but none ever felt quite right. It’s probably up to me to make the right one. Your books and dissertation are a great place to start reading, and if you have any other recommendations, I’d love to hear about them. Also, looking at some of your accolades reminded me that one of the companies I work for partners with NAGC (National Association for Gifted Children), so if you’re ever at any events, feel free to reach out! Thank you again for your time and support.
Jeanette