You already know your child is ahead of agemates. How do you select the best school?
I retired from my consultancy in 2018 because I wanted to write follow-up books to my first book, 5 Levels of Gifted: School Issues and Educational Options (2005/2009).
Part of my consulting with parents of bright (possibly gifted) young children is to help them know how to look for the “best fit” environment for their children. We want our children to fit in and be comfortable. We want them to find others with whom to play, have a meaningful conversation, and to have teachers regularly address the differing needs of their students throughout each school day. After all, in schools that group children by age, the spread of abilities—intellectual and physical—in each class is generally large.
I encourage parents to set up an appointment for their child to try out the school in whatever way the school does that. Usually this calls for about a half day visit with the child being partnered up with another student while participating in the normal activities of that classroom.
Sometimes it makes sense for the parents to set up their own appointment first to visit several classrooms in their child’s age-range to see what it is like there. Again, almost all schools will allow this. The truth is that you don’t need a lot of time to get a sense of the student body and the classrooms. Do you feel comfortable there? My recommendation is that you try to visit at least two or three classrooms. Because you yourself will get rather antsy or bored yourself, I suggest 15 minutes in each classroom is absolutely enough to get a sense of each place.
You may wish to let the person in charge of setting up your visit know that the reason you want to see more than one classroom is that you know your own personality might click better with one teacher than another and it would be fairer to get a sampling rather than judge the school on only one teacher’s methods or behaviors. At the same time, if you think there’s a good chance you want to enroll your child in that school, ask during that visit if it’s okay to let them know when you’ve spotted a good teacher-child fit and if they would honor that request.
Don’t interfere. Stand on the sidelines of the class. If you wish, ask the teacher when you first enter the classroom if it is okay to wander around a little bit. That way you can quietly observe what the children are working on and what the level of the lesson is compared to what you think your child would be either ready for or way past the skill and interest levels of your child.
Keep in mind that not everything has to be highly intellectual or academic. The balance of topics and activities should allow for movement, talking to others, and reading or otherwise doing something on their own.
You need a short interview, too, with the principal, if possible, to ask questions about just how much they differentiate and modify lessons and activities to accommodate children who are at different academic levels than others. If the school has a gifted program, the head of the program should be in on the interview between the parents and the school. Also, because many schools don’t officially identify their students for giftedness or start their gifted program until the 2nd or 3rd grades, you need to ask what they are willing to do for your child prior to that time. You should use language like this,
“When you know a child is already reading or doing math at higher levels, how does your school address those differences?”
Keep emphasizing that you are not just interested in the academic; you are interested in how likely it is your child would find some “true peers,” some others who are likely to share interests, a sense of humor, or even quirks that we know might be “called out” as nerdy. Personally, nerdy people are my peeps. They need access to true peers, too.
Finally, think about whether or not you feel as though these are people who are simply like the people you prefer to spend time with yourself. You don’t want to be an outlier either, so keep looking until you find a place — if this is an option for you — where you and your family will fit well, too.
Depending upon the Level of Giftedness — just how gifted the child is compared to others — the extent of the underachievement and the “wrong fit” vary. When under-challenged and not kept suitably interested, busy, and engaged, gifted children can’t learn study skills, time management skills, or how to rebound when they encounter something truly difficult. The risk of arrogance, perfectionism, or inattentiveness can soar under such circumstances (Ruf, D. Keys to Successfully Parenting the Gifted Child (2023).