There are steps you can take when this happens
Most parents are delighted and proud when their child shows advanced language skills. After all, that means the child is probably very bright, right?
But what if that child turns into such a talker that they interrupt others, demand more attention than you or their teacher can possibly give, gets in trouble in school for talking too much, or always seeks out adults instead of age-mate pals? These are certainly the problematic sides of what seemed like such a good thing when they were two!
Author aside: I apologize for the photo not being totally aligned with the topic. Showing off is a form of talking too much. I scoured photo sources for a young boy who monopolizes conversations, but almost everything that came up kept reverting to girl photos and people on the phone. Aside from being personally offended, I was simply shocked that photographers and AI developers appear to want to blame this issue on females.
Some Reasons Why Some Children Talk Too Much
It’s who your child is
The child craves attention
The child connects with others through talking
It’s Who They Are: For some children, talking is simply a part of who they are. They are verbally gifted, perhaps also extroverted, which means that they enjoy interacting with others through conversation. They find great satisfaction in conversation, just as some children will prefer more solitary play or reading when they are given free choice for how to spend their time.
Looking for Attention: Some children feel lonely or as though they are playing “second fiddle” to classmates or siblings. If they can get and keep your attention through conversation, they feel valued and important. For children who need attention, it can be painful every time they are told to be quiet or wait. It may confirm in their own minds that they do not matter.
Connecting with Others: Very bright children, particularly girls, make emotional connections by talking with other people. Very bright boys need an audience that “gets” what they are talking about. If the child is unusually smart, it may be hard for them to find others who are on their “wavelength,” people who get their jokes or can discuss the same interests. This is the child who follows the teacher around and who seems to seek out older children and adults to talk to. Of course, it isn’t always gender specific.
They Have So Much on Their Minds: When a child’s interests and abilities center around telling people what’s on their minds, what they did today, and what they know or learned, they truly need someone to listen and respond to them.
Provide Times to Talk
Sometimes children talk so much — and need to talk so much — that we don’t have enough time or interest to be their conversational pal as much as they’d like.
How can parents help these children to learn patience and good manners about when to talk and when to wait or listen?
We need to put more talking opportunities into their lives.
You can teach children how to find the best times for talking by showing them what those times are. You can arrange good times for talking when your children are young, and they will learn how to do it for themselves as they get older.
As a parent, grandparent, teacher, or baby-sitter, you can teach them to “delay gratification” — wait until a better time — when you remind them that sometimes they need to be quiet or wait their turn before talking, but that they have a “talking time” coming up soon with Aunt Janice, you, or “friend time” in their classroom. Many talkers learn to control their talking as they mature, but they also feel less inner pressure to talk at the wrong times when they eventually — and reliably — have enough opportunities to share their thoughts with others.
Times to Enjoy the Strength Area: Moms and Dads are busy people and sometimes you need others to provide time and attention to your little ones. In these cases, it is good to employ whatever additional help you can find to give your children suitable talking opportunities and outlets.
Start with relatives, baby-sitters, neighbors and other trusted individuals. If your child has other interests and talents, you can find tutors or mentors who can work one-on-one with your talkative, interesting child, too. Casual classes for groups of children often allow for free-flowing conversations among the children, too, and it doesn’t cause the same kinds of interruptions and problems as talking to friends in school during class time.
Times for Special Attention: Parents can do a lot to make their children feel special if they plan at least one overnight driving trip a year with each of their children — just one parent and one child at a time. Even an only child needs time alone with each parent, too. Kids can help choose the destination and the things you will do along the way and once you both get there. Try to arrange as many driving alone errands as possible and being home alone with only one child at a time, too, and turn off all media in the car when doing errands. Conversations will flow and that needed special talking time will come naturally. And it’s okay to allow for quiet, contemplative time, as well.
Times for Connecting with Others: Very bright, talkative children may have trouble finding age-mates who talk as well as they do or who share interests and humor. Spending time with older children or adults does not harm a child’s social skill development. In fact, all children learn social skills from people who have social skills, and that is usually older people! So, as you find special alone time with each of your children, don’t forget to ask as many others as you can to share the joy of getting to know — and talk with and listen to— your bright, talkative child.