It Can Be Highly Problematic
First, a reminder about reading my blog posts: The Gifted Through the Lifespan Substack is designed to acknowledge just that: giftedness shows up when we are born and until we die. Dementia and repressions (being female or a person of color, for example) and accidents of all sorts can make high intelligence not show up as much as it might have, and I am working to be more diligent about letting readers know from the beginning of each post, usually via the titles, which age range and time in people’s lives I am writing about. I will pay attention to including stories and information from all stages of gifted growth and development. The new website will also have tags to help you read only what you want to read.
Why Do I Caution Against starting School Too Early?
Is sitting still and doing exactly what the teacher tells you to do a prerequisite for a good life? Is there something wrong with some children (mostly visibly boys) or with the schools for expecting all children to sit still and be quiet for much of their school days?
Yes, gifted girls can get fidgety and try to pep things up in school. But today I want to focus on the young boys.
Back when I was evaluating giftedness and serving as a consultant for families, a client couple asked me to observe their nearly five-year-old son in his small private school K-1 classroom (that’s kindergarten through 1st grade). Their little boy was already tested and found to be exceptionally to profoundly gifted, so the small private school was willing to accept him into their program before he was five years old. But he hated school and wasn’t making the progress that anyone had envisioned. They told me that the teacher, a young woman in her first year of teaching, was interested in whatever recommendations I might make to “engage” this child in learning at school.
I went to his school to observe. First, I watched and noticed the eight little girls in the classroom vie for top spot by finishing all they were asked to do quickly and perfectly. The girls set to work immediately when the teacher told them what they were to do.
I watched the four little boys slide around in their seats — or fall off their seats completely — or get up and walk around, ask to go to the bathroom, rip holes in the paper with pencil and scissors, put their heads on their desks, and otherwise not even begin to do what they were asked to do. The boy I was asked to watch behaved in all the “wrong” ways just as his parents had been told, but absolutely the same way as the other boys in the class.
When schools tout their “developmentally appropriate” curriculums, do they talk about allowing active young boys to explore, handle objects, run around, and use their kinesthetic, visual and spatial abilities, the primary learning modes of males? We need to ask ourselves, what is “developmentally appropriate” — and in what ways — and for whom?
I am a high intelligence specialist, but when the parents of a bright boy come to me because they are considering early entrance to kindergarten (starting school before the usual age five), I almost always discourage it.
Instead, I point out that the home, preschool, and kindergarten environments are almost always more boy-friendly than grade school because they are more flexible and they allow more free choice for the children, much like a good Montessori school. It makes so much more sense to experience one more year at home or in preschool, go to kindergarten for another year of flexibility and playtime, and then skip 1st grade.
There are hardly any schools, though, that allow this sensible option for highly gifted children who are ahead already in their academic understandings and abilities.
If and when this were allowed, such children can still go through school somewhat faster, but they need to spend less time in the more structured grade school environment. One problem with this boy’s school placement is that it was more like a 1st grade than a kindergarten classroom, and he really didn’t need to be there yet.
What did I recommend? I told them he shouldn’t even be in school yet. A good daycare would fit his current needs better at this point. At the most, he should go half days or only two to three days a week at this age regardless of his intellectual abilities.
This post is a snippet from a podcast interview with Deborah Ruf (me) by Julia Krysztofiak-Szopa, for her podcast — Dzieci Zdolne — which is Polish for Gifted Children.
It’s 13 minutes and 7 seconds. I’ve seen a lot over the years and some readers will be relieved — sort of, maybe — to learn they aren’t imagining it when they wonder why their gifted, wonderful self or child struggled so much in school if they’re so smart. Schools simply aren’t usually set up for the ways boys are and what they need to thrive.
Julia lives with her family in Poland and it was such a delight to get to know her. Like me, she has lots of thoughts and ideas and she loves to talk! Me, too. While my own children have been out of the nest for more than twenty years, she still has children at home. Her questions to me are mostly related to those listeners who are still raising their gifted children.
Intrigued? Take a look and listen. I hope my answers here are useful to both readers and listeners.
I cover this point and many others from the full podcast in my little book here: Keys to Successfully Parenting the Gifted Child, 2023, by Deborah Ruf. Find on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Keys-Successfully-Parenting-Gifted-Child/dp/B0C9GHSJ53
On this topic, I also recommend two to three books by Michael Gurian:
What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man’s Mind Really Works: https://a.co/d/aTtxMwQ
The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men: https://a.co/d/gv6jJ4JThe Wonder of Girls: Understanding the Hidden Nature of Our Daughters: https://a.co/d/6WaZ0re
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